When Gary Andrews’ wife, Joy, died suddenly from sepsis in 2021, his world turned upside down. Left to raise their two young children, aged 7 and 10, Gary found himself grappling with immense grief that felt impossible to navigate. But through the darkest times, Gary found an unexpected way to cope – by doodling. 

In the latest episode of The Life and Death Podcast, Gary shares how his simple, heartfelt drawings became a vital outlet for his grief, offering a way to express his pain, confusion, and love. What began as a nightly ritual of sketching eventually led to the publication of his book, Finding Joy — a tribute to his wife and a testament to how creativity can help us heal. 

“I wanted a way to express what I was going through, without worrying about making something perfect,” Gary explains. “Doodling became a way to get my feelings out, one sketch at a time.” 

The grief demon: A winged beast that evolved with time 

One of the most powerful moments in the podcast is when Gary describes his grief using a unique metaphor — the “grief demon.” This is how he visualises the heavy, ever-present weight of loss: as a winged, horned creature. He describes it as the sort of demon you might see in a horror movie — a thin, sharp, clawed beast with dark wings, always lurking. 

Gary remembers the first time he drew this “grief demon”: “I drew him as this typical sort of winged, horned, sharp, skinny demon with bat wings,” he says. “He was clinging to my back, his hand shoved right into my chest.” The demon, he explains, was ever-present in those early days, clinging to him, overwhelming him. 

But as time passed, Gary’s relationship with the grief demon shifted. “He moved off my back and would stand a pace behind me, his hand on my shoulder,” Gary recalls. “He would be sitting next to me on the sofa, then he’d be on the other end of the sofa, then he’d be in the corner of the room. And now, he’s in the house somewhere. Occasionally, he’ll put his head around the door and I’ll say, ‘Not today, thank you, go away.’” 

Gary acknowledges that, despite the changes, the grief demon is never truly gone. “He’s still around,” Gary says. “Sometimes I might go, ‘Are you there? Why don’t you come in for a bit?’ and he’ll sit next to me. I let the feelings come through again and then say, ‘Right, that’s enough now.’ But he’s not going far.” 

This evolution of the grief demon, from a constant presence to a quieter, more understood companion, highlights the complex, ever-changing nature of grief. It’s not something that disappears; it’s something we learn to live with, in a way that allows for healing and growth.

Finding connection through creativity 

As Gary continued to share his drawings online, he found that his simple, honest sketches struck a chord with thousands of people who were also struggling with loss. The drawings, sometimes sad, sometimes funny, always raw, became a bridge for others to connect with their own grief. 

“It was overwhelming how many people said, ‘I get it,’” Gary reflects. “It was like, ‘Oh, I’m not on my own.’” This sense of connection helped Gary process his grief, but it also showed him the power of art in healing. “The doodle is a way of releasing those emotions,” Gary says. “Once it’s on paper, it’s out. You can move on.” 

Gary’s journey is proof that grief, though painful, doesn’t have to be a solitary experience. Through creativity and shared vulnerability, Gary found a way to express his pain and, in turn, created a community where others could do the same. 

A tribute to Joy and the small moments of hope 

Gary’s book, Finding Joy, is a tribute to both his wife and the ongoing love he has for her, despite the grief that lingers. The book features his drawings alongside reflections on grief, healing, and the small moments of hope that help us move forward. 

“Grief doesn’t disappear, but you learn to live with it,” Gary explains. “Through these small moments, you realise that even when the grief demon is still there, life goes on.” 

What we can learn from Gary’s story 

Gary’s experience teaches us that grief isn’t something to be “fixed” or rushed through. It’s a process that takes time, understanding, and sometimes, a bit of creativity. By embracing the difficult emotions and allowing them to be expressed, whether through doodles, writing, or conversation, we can begin to find healing. 

Gary’s relationship with the grief demon, now evolved into a more manageable presence, shows us that grief doesn’t have to be something we fight against. It’s something we learn to live with, and in doing so, we find peace. 

Listen now: How doodling helped Gary Andrews find hope after his wife’s death 

In this episode of The Life and Death Podcast, Gary opens up about how drawing helped him process his grief and ultimately led to the publication of his book, Finding Joy. Tune in to hear more about Gary’s emotional journey and how creativity can provide hope after loss. 

You can listen to the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our podcasts page for more information.