When someone is facing the end of their life, it’s often the small, human things that matter most, someone to sit with them in the silence, to listen without judgement, to witness their fears and hopes without trying to fix them. That’s where end of life doulas come in. 

In the latest episode of The Life and Death Podcast, Dr Emma Clare, a chartered psychologist and end of life doula, joins host Stephen Rumford for a moving conversation about what it means to walk alongside someone who is dying. Drawing on her own experiences, personal, academic and professional, Emma talks about the power of presence, the importance of connection, and why dying well matters. 

“Even if we can’t change what’s happening,” Emma says, “we can help someone find meaning in their life. That can make a huge difference.” 

What is an end of life doula? 

An end of life doula is a non-medical companion for someone who is dying. They offer practical, emotional and spiritual support, not just to the person who is dying, but often to those important to them too. Doulas aren’t there to take over care, but to complement it, to fill the gaps that clinical teams or families can’t always cover. 

That might mean talking through someone’s wishes for their final days, helping them reflect on their life, or simply sitting with them in quiet presence. As Emma puts it, “We’re not there to fix. We’re there to be alongside. To witness. To really see someone.” 

Unlike other roles in healthcare, doulas are independent. Some work voluntarily, while others charge a fee, and the amount can vary. If you’re not sure whether a doula could help, Emma encourages people to reach out: “We try very hard not to be so standardised that we’re narrow. If you’re wondering whether a doula is right, just contact us and we’ll give you an honest answer.” 

A path shaped by grief, learning and compassion 

Emma’s journey into end of life work began after the sudden death of her grandmother while she was at university, an experience that left a lasting impression. Since then, she’s worked across mental health, care and advocacy services before training as a doula and now serving as Director of End of Life Doula UK. 

In the podcast, Emma reflects on how this role blends professional skill with deep humanity. It’s not about “doing” all the time, sometimes the most important thing is simply to be with someone. 

“Sometimes, just being there, truly being there, is what people need most,” she says. “It’s about witnessing someone in all their humanity.” 

More being, less doing 

Emma describes the role of an end of life doula as being rooted in compassion and curiosity. It’s not about rushing in to solve problems, but about sitting beside someone in their uncertainty. In a world that often prioritises doing over being, the doula role offers something different. 

“We often can’t fix things,” she says, “but we can be alongside someone as they make sense of it all, when they’re wondering, ‘Have I lived a good life? Did I make a difference?’ That kind of support, from someone who isn’t a relative or a clinician, can feel incredibly freeing.” 

Doulas work in homes, hospices and hospitals, anywhere someone might be dying. And while not everyone knows what a doula is, Emma is passionate about raising awareness of the role and how much it can offer. 

“If you’re not sure whether a doula could help, just get in touch with us. We’ll have an honest conversation. We’re here to help where we can.” 

A connection that’s hard to describe, but deeply felt 

Throughout the conversation, Emma and Stephen explore how death work can be both heartbreaking and beautiful, how, with the right support, dying can become a meaningful part of someone’s life story rather than simply the end of it. They also discuss how valuable it can be for professionals in health and social care to develop the confidence to simply be with someone who is dying, without needing to rush in with answers. 

“People can feel surrounded yet still alone,” Emma says. “A doula offers presence. We’re there for that person, fully, and that in itself can be incredibly powerful.” 

This gentle, deeply human conversation invites us all to think differently about how we support people who are dying, and how we might want to be supported ourselves one day. 

Listen Now: What is an end of life doula? Tune in wherever you get your podcasts, or at www.ashgatehospice.org.uk/podcasts  

Find out more about End of Life Doula UK: www.endoflifedoula.co.uk